i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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