I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
