Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
