i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i have two assholes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
