you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
