I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
