epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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