Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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