it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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