I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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