I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my shit smells like andre
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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