i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
