she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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