just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize