I'm really into asian looking animals
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize