Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
