i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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