is your mom at the bar?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
