i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
