I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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