He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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