Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
