At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
