Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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