Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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