Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
