the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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