So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
