just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
BRING THE BAGELS
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
