What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
