there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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