So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
