Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
