So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize