D3 body, D1 cock
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
