Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM VODKA MAN
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
