I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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