Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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