1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
