Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
