shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wish my penis had a tongue
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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