there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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