Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
