if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
