There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize