You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
