just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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