I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
