Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
