Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
