The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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