I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
