So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
