For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
