Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
