Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
