I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Are we still banned from the library?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
