i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
