Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
