I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
