We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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