Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
