we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
