if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
