are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
