Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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