he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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