3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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