How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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