The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize